I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
