Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
