He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
