420 ftw
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize