I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
