You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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