Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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