Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
