so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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