Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
