So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
