Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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