My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
