Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize