Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
