Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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