I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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