Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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