apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
