I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
