You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
