I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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