He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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