last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
