at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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