She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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