she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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