listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
