don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
