You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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