every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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