The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
