I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
