Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
