I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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