i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize