I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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