did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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