..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I still have a little drunk in my system
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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