If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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