I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
