ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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