if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
