shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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