All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
