Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Randomize
