my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
