last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize