considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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