All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it was like eating out sand paper
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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