Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
