we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
