I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just puked most of my soul out..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
