After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So vagazzling was a success
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
