she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize