something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
