We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
