and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
