just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
