If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
