I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What drink are we having for lunch?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
