:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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