The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I didn't notice because vodka
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
