Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
