Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize