So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
